Sarah July 3rd, 2009

Hello, jerks… this isn’t really an update, just an update about an update… Spookymeat now has a twitter page, mostly because it will be used in an upcoming post, so go over yonder and add Spookymeat as your best friend so you don’t miss all the upcoming hullaballoo.

On a side note, I just got this in a spam email, and I found it fascinating! CHEERS:

sinewy haggle hoary.
lemon regard diver sadism?
sinewy jocose loss patio.
enable dago.
tower stable yawl asthma!
toss sultry pant puddle!
robin breezy.
today hoary sadism haggle.
robin dalle entail.
sinewy argue filler link?
amines stable filth drill!
breezy drill idly.
patio joy sadism patio?
parish entail agog hern.
alert drag.
hackee laser virile pinto.
enable lemon maths.
today virus.
amines metope sleigh winy?
pinto bane common patio?
hern lemon vouch.
asthma uptake parish proem?
idly mute.
lemon infer mute infer!
dance winy tother.
stable loss.
paid legal trader common.
riven tendon filler planer?
solar dalle dalle regard?
lemon braky yawl.
quid drag common drag.
asthma today trader enable!
sleigh drat camera lory!
dance entail footer loss!
terse schism.
khan parish.
sadism whack.
uptake virile schism sweet?
metope paid sadism.
lower lower agog today!
virus parish.
breezy entail legal entail!
scrap pirn filth juicy!
furore lemon stable avow?

And I completely disagree with this, sadism is NOT whack! It is lemony, though.

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Sarah June 14th, 2009

Spookymeat isn’t updated. There’s nothing here but some old updates, and this crap… you were here hoping for the June edition of the Smeat Horoscopes, but instead you have to deal with me blabbering. It’s after four in the AM right now, I am flying high and have nothing to do. So we are doing a little stream of consciousness inside Sarah’s rotting thoughts.

It’s freezing right now, polar bears have bloody fur after they kill baby seals. People cry for the baby dead meat, but they think it’s delicious. People will eat anything with ketchup on it, even rotting carcass full of mayonnaise and broken dreams. Does mayonnaise make frequent cameos in porno? I hope so. I fucking hope so.

Porno hidden in your friend’s hard drive, while they’re in the other room and you’re looking at things you shouldn’t be. Did you really want to know your bff wants to get fucked in the face by an Asian cowboy? I bet you didn’t; and yet, you did. WHAT!?

Rape, rape, rape, in back alleys and fire escapes…
Push, push, push, a gag down the throat,
sink under the water and let her soak…

Oh what a beautiful smile,
and just look at those eyes…
staring at me through the haze, the gaze of a drowning angel,
so sexy when you take your last breath. baby baby baby baby babbbb.

someone said I couldn’t write a love song.
that someone may have been me.
I guess I just proved myself wrong.
This may just be the most romantic thing you’ve ever read.

wavy wavy wavy. drugs, hugs, sunflower fields and rainy sundays.

love,
your scarlet letter,
sarah

polka dot muppet madness, the kids play free, the grown ups sell their souls. bring brett michaels his pipe, sir. it’s the ice queen, ice queen, ice queen… her panties are wrapped around her pinky finger, and she’s got a gun in her mouth.

don’t deny it, baby.

baby.

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Sarah May 27th, 2009

So here it is, the first ever smeat mad libs… I even made annoying little boxes you could type stuff in… now go find someone you can ask for the words, then read them back what is surely to be a mind blowing look into their darkest secrets.

Dear Diary,

Things have been really around the ol’ factory lately. I haven’t told anyone yet, because I am really about what someone might think of me. Diary, you really are the only one that I can trust. If you were real, I would your off, at least times a day. But alas, you live only in my head, and on the pages that wait for me in this book.

Anyway, has been coming onto me again and this time I gave in… I know, I know… it’s hard to imagine that I would ever want my legs twisted around an old like him/her. But he/she has the eyes of , the charm of and the of .

After I joined that worshipping cult last year, I thought most of my eating family hated me with every last in their body. But I guess still loves me, and wanted to show it by my the seven seas. It was than the time I played hockey with the down at the docks, when we used that squishy stuff he called .

Well, I am so to finally be able to get this off my . I love you, diary. I really, really love you.

Your BFF Forever,
-

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Aaron and Sarah May 1st, 2009

So ladies and gents, it is finally here, the first installment of Spookymeat’s horoscopes. If you go over to the about page, you can read all about AARON, who is the mystical swami responsible for teaming up with me on this fantastical journey. I hope these horoscopes help you reach enlightenment and a sense of peace (mixed with a little half and half and discomfort). ENJOY!

Remember how I told you last month that things would be promising as far as personal relationships go, but only if you worked on finding your inner-self by buying orchid-smelling incense? Yeah well you fucked it up but good this time, buddy. Listen, I won’t even sugarcoat it for you. I could tell you that your two and a half moons aren’t aligned in your favor so you might go through a “rough patch”, but truth be told, you’re a ram, you can take it. Basically a couple stars took a wrong turn at the vernal equinox, probably because you didn’t buy the fucking incense so they couldn’t sniff you. Expect this month to be painful in two ways:

1. Expect at some point you will get that “ohh no” or “aw man” feeling like when you drop your cellphone in a rosebush.

2. You’ll get something stuck in a zipper; but I’m reluctant to tell you what article of clothing and which zipper. Awkwaaard.

Love,
Horoscope

Hey. ‘Sup?
“o i c u wnt sum info”
The trouble with being your horoscope is that I know it’s easy to offend you because you always take what I have to say so personally. And it’s annoying. And you hold grudges, ignore what I have to say for a couple months, then you finally come back when you’re down and out. I’m not a whore-o-scope, I won’t be your bitch. But when you come in here all unkempt-looking… I’ll just say it. Shave your beard. You can’t really pull it off and let’s be honest (again). No amount of facial hair is going to cover up that much ugly. I mean not until Jupiter crosses paths with the second house of anti-fug, and that like, never happens.

Love,
Horoscope

Ohhh you heartbreaker. I tell you you’re compatible with Libra, and what do you do? You have sex with a Libra and don’t call him for a week. He was probably the first guy you’ve exchanged edible yam sensual oils with that actually gives a damn about you as a person, and can overlook that unsightly mole on your neck. I don’t know how it works down there on Earth but up here, we call it “surgery.” Get it removed.

I know what you’re going to say, already. Ohh he was a Libra-Scorpio bridge. But face it. You’re two-sided, two-faced and too vain. That’s my two cents.

Love,
Horoscope

P.S. - love is in the air this month.

GO TO PAGE TWO FOR THE REST OF THE INTERSTELLAR GENIUS

Pages: 1 2

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Sarah April 28th, 2009

Update from March 2002
The Best Most Super Awesome Spookymeat Updates Come Back From the Past

Well I was digging through old Spookymeat updates and pictures and came across this little gem of an IM conversation. I can’t remember where I came across this guy but I am guessing some silly teen chat room or some other place where the derelicts of society float in large pools of their own sticky stupidity. I am “I Cooked Jesus”, obv. As you will see below, I was able to adopt this creature’s strange dialect rather quickly, in order to appear as one of “them”.

What have I learned from this?

1. People that live in the “kuntrey” are fucking retarded.

2. Apparently, either “Jonathan” has a really ugly girlfriend (she’s called Ivy Roach for god’s sake, so I’m sure she’s about as worn in as a trampoline at summer camp)

OR he has some sort of sexual issues and poor ole’ Ivy Roach has to beg him go down on her…which I’m sure she doesn’t like to do because we all know how it botherz him when he don’t wanna.

AND NOW KIDS… Let’s celebrate late 90’s internet with some ANIMATED GIF ARTWORK!!! (and the images all have shitty, unnesccary borders around them, too!!! HUZZAH!)

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